Couples Therapy

Do You Worry About The Well-Being Of Your Relationship?

Are you married or in a committed relationship and looking for a way to communicate and bond with your partner on a deeper level?

Is a difficult life transition, family planning, or even the birth of a child creating stress and tension that’s interfering with your connection?

Perhaps you and your partner are living separately because of a serious conflict, such as infidelity, and you need help rebuilding trust and repairing your relationship. Or maybe you’re planning on getting married, and you’ve run into some small, recurring conflicts that you’re hoping couples therapy can help you work through.

Couples Can Struggle In Many Complex Ways

People endure stressors that show up in their relationships in significant ways. For instance, you and/or your partner may be struggling with:

parenting/co-parenting issues or children-related conflict
poor work-life balance, a lack of sexual frequency or intimacy
grief and loss; depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, or addiction

You may even have been hurt when you were young and powerless, and it’s continuing to affect how you show up in relationships and respond to challenges now.

At Windows of Hope Counseling Center, we believe everyone desires and deserves safety and connection at the most basic level. That’s why our online and in-person couples therapy sessions are designed to create a safe, dialogical experience that enables you to heal your relationship, understand each other, and reconnect with your partner on a deeper level.

Relationship Issues Are An Inherent Part Of Being A Couple

As human beings, we all tend to connect with what is most familiar to us. On an unconscious level, we’re attracted to people who will mimic or be similar to our primary caregivers. Unfortunately, those people are often the same ones who were originally unable to meet our most basic needs. That means what attracts us to our partners is often the very same thing that creates conflict in our relationships.

That’s not the only reason couples run into trouble. In a lot of ways, our society/culture values individuality far more than it does the effort required to maintain healthy relationships. Plus, the increase in dual-income homes and the accessibility of divorce has made uncoupling much more attractive than in past generations.

Our Busy Lives Are A Large Part Of The Relational Demise We See Today

Work demands, financial management issues, and parenting responsibilities get piled on top of relationship stress. The ever-present availability of alcohol, drugs, and pornography is becoming a larger and larger wedge between partners. And there are still unresolved issues surrounding roles and equality in relationships.

These are all major stressors that can easily compromise a couple’s sense of connection, which is why therapy is so vital. When two partners are in a passionate power struggle, they are purely reactive and processing from their reptilian brain and the fight or flight response.

A couples counselor can become a facilitator who can help you process thoughts, feelings, and experiences in a safe, productive way that gives you clarity and concrete options for healing and moving forward.

Couples Therapy Can Get To the Root Of Relationship Problems

We often say, “Behind every complaint is a wish,” so we look at couples therapy and marriage counseling as a chance to safely dig out those wishes and identify the unmet needs beneath the frustration.

The 90/10 assumption states that unmet needs and desires stem from fear and sadness-based experiences early in life that carry over into adulthood. Fortunately, most couples tend to have opposite unmet needs that connect perfectly with each person’s “unmet needs,” which opens the door to healing, better communication, and deeper connection through counseling.

Our work as your couples therapist is to teach you how to give each other what you both truly require to feel loved and fulfilled. At the same time, we can strengthen “relational muscles” you may not have even known you possess. That’s what we call a double gift: meeting each other’s needs and growing as individuals.

What Are Couples Counseling Sessions Like?

We’ll start by offering you some psychoeducation and an introduction to our approach so you and your partner understand the process. Then, we simply begin at the beginning by asking, How did you and your partner meet? What were the circumstances at the start of your journey together? What do you think your partner would say if I asked them about their own dynamic and contribution to the current problem?

We always invite the sex and intimacy question into counseling sessions because, many times, couples are afraid to bring it up on their own. We’ll also give you a chance to identify any other concerns or goals that you want to work on. As we gather this information, we disinvite shame, blame, and criticism—turning complaints into requests while encouraging honest discussions.

From there, we can begin developing a SMART plan and a five-year vision/wishlist for the future. This plan involves Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relatable, and Timed goals meant to help you take concrete steps toward getting to where you want to be as a couple.

How We Approach Couples Counseling

Our therapists come from diverse backgrounds and are encouraged to draw from a broad range of therapeutic tools to create a dynamic treatment plan for each couple. We also offer psycho-educational support coupled with a humanistic and psychodynamic approach to couples therapy.

In most couples counseling sessions, we use the Imago Dialogue process to recognize and explore current difficulties and how they relate to unmet needs in the relationship. On the most basic level, Imago therapy was intended to help couples improve communication. It involves:

each person learning/knowing how to communicate what they are feeling
showing a willingness to share those feelings openly
listening to understand versus listening to respond
understanding, validation, and empathy-building

Through couples counseling and particularly the Imago Dialogue process, you can enjoy a greater sense of safety, connection, and happiness in your relationship or marriage. You’ll gain specialized communication skills to help you listen to and understand each other. And you’ll learn to intuit and respond to each other’s core needs and desires effectively.

Our goal is not just to help you “get better.” We want to help you discover a deeper and more meaningful connection than you have ever experienced together.

Perhaps You Still Have A Few Concerns About Couples Therapy…

Will my marriage be worse during or after therapy?

Sometimes, as we grow new relationship muscles, we experience discomfort. Then, after a while, the process eventually becomes more comfortable. Learning a new way of communicating, becoming comfortable with change, and growing as individuals is a process that ultimately improves your relationship. Our job is to give you a safe space of support and guidance that helps you navigate the most challenging parts of your journey more easily.

Will the therapist shame me for my “imperfections” or my behavior in the relationship?

All of our behaviors are adaptations we learned during our life’s journey, so it’s natural that you may be predisposed to certain thoughts and behaviors—even if they’re counterproductive. What may have served you in the past may not be serving you in your current relationships, and that’s something we can work on together.

Whatever we discuss in couples therapy, rest assured, we never invite shame, blame, or criticism into sessions. Rather, we want to build upon your strengths and help you be the person and partner you want to be.

Will the couples therapist tell me what to do or try to control me?

You are the expert of your life and your relationship, so it’s not our place to attempt to control you or tell you what you should do. Rather, we merely want to offer you new skills for communicating effectively, which is what the Imago Dialogue process is all about.

Your couples counselor is there to guide you through the communication process in real-time, where you can share your thoughts and wishes with your partner in a mutually safe and constructive way.

It Is Possible To Feel Happier And More Fulfilled In Your Relationship

If you are looking for a better way to communicate, resolve conflict, and create a deeper connection with your partner, our highly trained couples counselors are here for you. Please call (310) 948-9929 or use our Contact Page to schedule your first session and see how Windows of Hope Counseling Center can help you discover a new level of love and connection in your relationship or marriage. Serving Palm Desert, Long Beach, Sacramento, CA, and Surrounding Areas.